literature

Akatsuki Bloopers 9

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    "Pencil?"
    "Check."    
    "Pen?"
    "Check."
    "Water bottle and snack?"
    "Check."
    "Calculator, font no larger than 1 and a half inches display, scientific capabilities?"
    "Uh...Hidan, how tall is that display?
    "Meh..I'd say a centimeter.
    "Does it have scientific capabilities?"
    "Well,  it does math...and math is kind of like science..."
    "Alright. Umm....check?"
    "Brain?"
    "Check."
    "Alright." Fourteen-year-old Deidara flipped closed the SAT preparation pamphlet and tossed it aside. "I think we're ready."
    "Chill out, Deidara." Itachi grumbled, reclining back on the couch in the middle of the Akatsuki lounge room, located deep underground in the hideout. "It's just the SAT- and besides, we're in ninth grade. It's not like it matters anyway."
    "Doesn't matter? Are you saying the SAT doesn't matter?" Deidara asked incredulously.
    "Oh jeez, now you've got him started." Kakuzu sighed, clapping his hands over his ears. "Go on, Deidara, we're listening...not really."
    "Your preliminary SAT score is of vital importance in relationship to where you go with your high school career! From these scores, your counselors can decide on the most appropriate SAT training regimen for you over the course of the three years until you take the real SAT. Insofar as you don't try this time, how will the counselors know your real capabilities when you-"
    "Okay, shut it!" Itachi threw a pillow at him. "We get it, sheesh. The SAT is important and we should try our hardest, blah, blah, blah...you do realize that nobody cares about school except for you? Why does it matter that we get good grades anyway? It's not like we're going to college or anything. We only go to school because Pein forced us to."
    "True." Deidara said gloomily, sitting down on the floor. "I guess our whole life is just going to be killing other people, huh? No calculus, no Pascal, no trigonometry..."
    "Aw, cheer up. Killing people isn't that bad." Hidan commented. "It's just, after a while you get kind of bored of dead people." he added as an afterthought.
    
    "Itachi?" Deidara whispered later that night. Both boys were in bed, staring up at the dark ceiling.
    "What?" Itachi grumbled. Ever since Pein had decided to downsize the hideout in order to make room for a larger video game arcade, he'd been forced to share a room with who else but the queen- er, king of blond stupidity.
    "I'm scared."
    "Of what, the monster under the bed? It's definitely going to eat you if you keep whining. Now shut up."
    "No, of the SAT."
    "What?"
    "I'm scared of taking the SAT." Deidara admitted, pulling his covers over his head. "What if I do badly? What if I can't pass the critical reading section? What if-"
    "Hey, Deidara, guess what?"
    "What?"
    "None of us are going to pass the SAT." Itachi said. "It's just a stupid test, and we don't know anything anyways. Why are you even concerned about doing well?"
    "Because I want to go to college and become a lawyer and..."
    "Deidara. You are going to grow up and kill people. That's it. No lawyer. Bad lawyer. Bad Deidara. Understand?"
    "No lawyer...bad lawyer....uh  huh, I think I get it."

    "The SAT?" Konan stood in the middle of the kitchen, dishing out servings of waffles to the boys. Most of them were squished and dead-looking; Itachi's waffle had turned out to be a funny grey color. "You're taking that today?"
    "Yeah." Deidara said, chugging down a glass of orange juice. "Itachi and them don't want to do well, but I'M going to do my best."
    "Sorry, did you say something?" Itachi asked. "All I heard was 'I'm a nerd, I'm a nerd, I'm a nerd'..."
    "Shut up!"
    "Make me, Einstein- wannabe..whoa!"
    The sight of Itachi and Deidara wrestling on top of the breakfast table, knocking over plates and containers of maple syrup, sort of put a damper on the rest of the day for Konan. After all, she was going to have to clean the mess up. So she did what any normal, self-respecting woman would do, and grabbed both boys by their collars, holding them up a good three feet in the air and from each other.
    "Say sorry and make up!" she snarled.
    "Sorry, Itachi." Deidara grumbled.
    "Ditto."
    "No, you can't say sorry to yourself, you have to say sorry to me-"
    "You want to fight about it, lemonhead?"
    "Lemonhead? Moi? Alright then, weasel face!"
    "I'll have your blood for dessert! Even though it is only breakfast! I'll have it anyway!"
    "Well, I'm a good boy and I only eat dessert when I've finished my dinner!"
    "Arrgh!"
    Konan got a good grasp on both of their ponytails and gave each of them a hard wrench. Itachi and Deidara collapsed to the floor, momentarily incapacitated by the shocking waves of pain.
    "Had enough?"
    "Yes, ma'am." Deidara moaned, rubbing his scalp.
    "Uh huh." Itachi assented.
    "Well, good. Now hurry up and finish your breakfast, the school bus is going to be here." Konan demanded. She was about to open her mouth and make a speech about the importance of nutrition, which would have been rather hypocritical considering everything Konan cooked would have made a toxic chemicals scientist squeal, when suddenly the door to the kitchen banged open and Pein stood in the corridor, surveying the boys with obvious distaste.
    "Taking the SAT today?" he asked sharply.
    All four nodded their heads silently and obediently.
    "Well, good. Maybe one of you will break the lifelong Akatsuki tradition of scoring less than two hundred points."
    "Isn't two hundred points good?" Kakuzu asked, marveling over how that was double the 100 points Deidara usually got.
    "No, dummy, you get two hundred points for writing your name."
    "Oh...so it is good?"
    "Never mind." Pein sighed. He ran a hand through his hair, wallowing in how stupid the boys were, when suddenly a bright idea sprang to mind. "Hey, I'll tell you what...a new deck of Pokemon cards to whoever gets the highest score."
    Deidara, Itachi, Kakuzu, and Hidan looked at each other over the breakfast table, narrowing their eyes. Doing well on the SAT had just become very, very important...

TO BE CONTINUED...
Fear the SAT....more to come! ^_^

Part 1: [link]
Part 2: [link]
Part 3: [link]
Part 4: [link]
Part 5: [link]
Part 6: [link]
Part 7: [link]
Part 8: [link]
Part 9: [link]
© 2009 - 2024 kira-soulreaper
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Deislilsis's avatar
Please p0st more, un, hm, yeah!!!!!!